1816 E Kane Pl #1

Ugh, my boss is going to fire me. This ad was due weeks ago but how do I write an ad worthy of such an incredible oasis? What's so special about this enormous 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath suite where Milwaukee's OG movers and shakers once called home? Let's start with FREE heat. Because we all love free heat (and candy). Plus, a ridiculous location nestled atop Lafayette Hill overlooking Lake Michigan's majestic McKinley Marina and Lakefront Colectivo's addictive lattes. It must have a Chronicles of Narnia closet because you're also impossibly only a few blocks from the iconic shoppes and bistros of Brady Street / North Ave. That's right, I spelt shoppe with two Ps and an E. This historic abode deserves pretentious tenants who live in a world where the dictionary bends to their will. Those aristocrats that lived here a century ago need to know someone equally swanky carries their torch. Ever notice how rich people are tall? Being riche requires a home with grande ceilings. Studies have shown tall ceilings actually cause height growth. I personally grew two inches in the kitchen last week when I was inspecting the in-unit washer and dryer we're installing. Name one affluent person with eight foot ceilings (besides your uncle Tony who got rich off that beef jerky lawsuit). Why does adding an E to words make them fancier? Same reason people want to be friends with someone who has a huge living room and a neat deck out back for relaxing on summer nights. Plus, no more living in shame of your tiny bladder now that you'll have two and a half bathrooms. Your other secret shame of loving Pizza Shuttle will delight in no longer playing second fiddle. Well, what are you waiting for? Book a showing and then you'll have an excuse to walk to the Shuttle for lunch afterward!